Date:         Fri, 27 May 1994 09:25:24 -0500
Sender:       UB Poetics discussion group
From:         Charles Bernstein
Subject:      I remember Joe Brainard

Joe Brainard died of AIDS on Wednesday.  He was 52 years old.

*****

PEOPLE OF THE WORLD: RELAX!

Beware of boys in tight pants
They are perverts
Beware of tight pants
They chap the fanny and irritate the leg muscles
Your friends will laugh
And your mother will know
Do not feel guilty if showers turn you on
There is nothing wrong with masturbating in the shower
I masturbate in the shower
And there is nothing wrong with that
Everyone does it
If you do not do it, try it
Everyone does it

People of the world: RELAX!

If you want to be a movie star go to Hollywood
If you want to be a dancer dance right now
Or it will be too late
And you will be unhappy
Be a dancer if you want to be a dancer
Do not be afraid
Some of the best people I know are dancers

People of the world: RELAX!

Take it easy and smoke a lot
Make all the noise you want to on the toilet
Other people will hear you but it does not matter

People of the world: RELAX!

Put on a clean white shirt and RELAX
Do not be afraid
Some of the best people I know are afraid
Do not be afraid of death
It will not hurt you

People of the World: RELAX!

This is a good life
Go of-of-doors a lot
Smell flowers
Sit down in the grass
It will not hurt you
Look at the tree
The sky is blue
Climb every mountain
Air is the only hope
Do not kill any ants
They are your best friends

PEOPLE OF THE WORLD: RELAX!

The world is yours
Here, take it

******

I remember when polio was the worst thing in the world.

I remember that little jerk you give just before you fall asleep.  Like
falling.

I remember a dream of meeting a man made out of very soft yellow cheese
and when I went to shake his hand I just pulled his whole arm off.

       --Joe Brainard, from _Selected Writings_
                       (New York: The Kulcher Foundation, 1971)