That’s right! I have autism. Some of you already know. Some of you seemed to have your suspicions. I’ve told a few of you already and you few seemed so shocked. I know. I fooled most of you into thinking I have a normal brain (wait, did I?). I don’t. Sorry. My abnormal brain is fucking awesome. Suck it. But yes, if you didn’t know, now you know. If you had suspicions, know you know. If you already knew, then move along. Of course, this won’t be something that I’ll drop in every conversation I have or something I’ll tell people out of the blue or when we first meet because I don’t want to feel like I’m absolving myself from any of my behavior or ideas that may result from my condition by saying that I have autism. I want to take full responsibility for everything I say or do like any ‘normal’ person should (and I use the word ‘normal’ with absolute scorn).

My autism and my identification with it have been on my mind a lot since I graduated from college. This was something that I have tried to keep to myself since it has provided me with a lot of (perceived) difficulties in the social sphere, only to face recurring depression that I suspect stems from not feeling authentic enough and not being able to be authentic without opening myself up to ridicule in the earlier years and patronization in the later years. Not that I don’t try to be authentic these days; I’m figuring out how to live authentically (there’s no manual for that! Though I recommend Marcus Aurelius’ Meditations) and I think of this ‘coming out’ as one of the steps.

Lately, I’ve been immersed in independent research on autism, trying out all sorts of mental paths and perspectives, and even got a job mentoring autistic adults, all of whom are extremely intelligent but have their own sets of problems. Autism is one slippery eel. I plan on synthesizing it all into an experimental/philosophical/dual memoir that I’m co-writing with my father (we’re looking for interested publishers). You may have heard something from me about writing a book but I’d been deliberately vague with the details because I wasn’t ‘out’ yet. Since I’m writing about it, it would only make sense to officially ‘come out’ sooner rather than later.

And for those who listen to my music, I’ll still compose, despite this project.

If you have any questions about autism or my experience with it, please don’t hesitate to ask, even if you barely know me! I promise you that there’s no such thing as a question that’s off-limits to me on the subject 😉 All I ask is that you try not to think of me differently because of this new info and this may be difficult for those whom I’ve only met once or twice. The whole point of this coming out is to help myself (and y’all as well) realize that autism is a completely inseparablepart of my character.